True Story*

Seventy pages
of my writings
plus a good twenty
copied pages

I was hoping
to retrieve
after waiting
far too long.

Postage paid,
left forgotten
a harried professor's
careless filing.

Upon retrieval,
I heard those words
no writer
wants to hear:

SHE LOST IT

*This is just me ranting. I'm not looking for any legitimate feedback on the poem itself (if you can call it that) - unless you really want to give it. Commiseration would be nice, though. I could scream.

And then egg a car.

Untitled

Staring through
the looking glass.
Your eyes,
my smile,
glisten in the darkness.
Two minds
intertwined.
Four hands
moving in
the light.

Beautiful Suburbia: A True American Lie

You, with your heads
held high.
You, with your
candy-colored
popped-up collar
dreams.

Are nothing.

Heretofore, so that
whatever you may be
is lip service
smack worship to the
god we call
commercialism.

What can you do?

Nothing.

My Star

Oh pretty dear
you get my star.

You kiss me
and two paper hearts
revolve around the sun.

I'll be here
in the morning,
floating.

Oh pretty dear
I hold it in.

Darkness. Rapture. Blank.

Sorrow never looked so sweet
falling past your smile.

Kindness never looked so vile
flitting past your switchblade.

My God

This differing judgment
the people of earth
simply God reasoning out
All your brains and mine.

reason things, wondering
which is right
waiting for experience
God reasons through your brain.

Through my brain,
the "logic of events"
shall show him
the point of real harmony.

Just don't kick up a muss
because he thinks through my brain.

Your Fallen Angel

Your eyes, they mask the
lies, the hurt and pain
I hid behind them
carelessly trying
to please, to satiate
everything you wanted.

I'm not that girl,
but I was lost
behind everything
I wanted to be.
Nothing I am,
something I seemed.

Until you, driven by
desire, illuminated
my every flaw, revealing
me for what I had become.
Something cheap and tawdry,
no longer quite as clean.

And suddenly, I saw
everything I wasn't
and I burst from the inside.
Wishing that I could
knowing that I couldn't
change what I had done.

I'm your fallen angel
pick me up, help me soar
fix these broken wings.
Shelter me from the
storm we've inadvertantly
created in your sheets.

Hold me close and whisper
'everything's all right'.
Tower over me, shield me
from my wrongs, my
beautiful mistakes.
My sacrifice to you.

Regret, a word I've
long forgotten, creeping
through my brain.
I'll push it aside,
because everything we did
was everything we wanted.

Just nothing we needed.

On My Own Again, Rewrite One

Blood stings hot
rushing through
my pale cheek bones.
You've lost again,
I've won-and yet
I feel no-relish no-
sweet enticing triumph

"What's the matter, dear?"
"Aren't you feeling well?"

Veils of liquid fire
refuse to let me
see quite clearly.
As I stumble
towards the door
my waiting escape.

"You can't run forever, girl."

The door, so close
now begins to fade to black
as searing, slicing hot
lines shoot up my spine.

"You think you've won?"
"You thought you tried?"
You jerk your blade
through my open back.

"You can't run forever, girl."

No, perhaps not quite.

Perhaps I'll try.

Epiphany, Rewrite One

Crack. A rush of wet sound
slicing through-between-
my ears, whistling wild.

I'm drowning from within.
How can I come up for air
when I'm filled to breaking?

Waves pull me under,
stuck within and beneath
that life-giving wind.

Sucking in my rush of elsewhere
a breeze from yesterday
I long to imagine as mine.

Instead, I'm immersed in blue
it fill my lungs, my chest heaves
I struggle for the surface.

I open my eyes and look
to the sky, my breeze
one last fleeting time.

Hoping for anything old
to suddenly become new
and worth breathing-drowning for.

Untitled

My past, my future
two doors on either side.
One I've left, another waiting,
tempting me to call.

The one closed behind me
memories leak through,
tearing at my soul
holding me back, slowing me down.

While the one ahead
uncertainty shines through
risk marks the path
to a lifetime of unknowns.

An inevitable reality
refusing to relent
my only way is forward
I can only gaze behind.

My Wedding Band Meant Nothing

It's so hard
to see transparently
through that
amber-tinted love.

A knowing glance,
a sleight of hand
you quickly hide
that wedding band.

You cad, you wink
and smile my way.
What the hell,
nothing left to lose.

I'll return that smile,
raise you a wink.
Send me a drink,
I'll send you another.

I'll show you some skin,
beckon you closer
push you a way
in a matter of minutes.